Be Your Love
by Rhyme or Reason
Summary: Hey, yes it’s me, Hermione. Have I told you that I am the smartest student that Hogwarts has seen? Not to brag or anything, but I was also the person most likely to go places, and I mean PLACES! I was prefect, nice person, started DA, I also had Ron and V
1. To Start With

**A/N: **Hey, this is Saving Me, yes this is a Hermione/Pansy, but this is just the prolog in Hermiones perspective, yes it's a bit short, but it will be longer, trust me. The story is going to follow the lyrics of the song 'be be your love', just so you know. Btw, I have got Blackaddersgirl to write the story about the migrating fish, It will be going on through out the story, just as a little bit of crazyness (my imagination is lazy). Please review and tell me what you think, tell me what other pairings you want and I'll see what I can do.

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing but a few dozen tattered books, dreams, hopes and stories.

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**Prologue **

Hey, yes it's me, Hermione. Have I told you that I am the smartest student that Hogwarts has seen since, well... a really long time?

Not to brag or anything, but I was also the person most likely to go places, and I mean PLACES! I was a prefect, nice person, loved animals, started DA, I was also the leader of S.P.E.W… ok, so that wasn't my finest moment, but do you get the picture?

I also had Ron, Victor Krum, and a fair few other guys trailing after me. I wasn't just smart; I was also hot with a capital H.

Yet no matter how great my life seemed to be going, no matter how many times I say the word I, this story is no longer about me and never will be any more. This is the story about one sexy, hot, gorgeous, smart, caring, and loving… blond. Yes and not just any blond, but a blond that I could never have, never in my whole entire life. Alright maybe not my whole life, they're actually standing behind me right now, telling me how up myself I am but also that what I say about them is true, and that they love me!

Love me!! ME!!

Can you imagine that? Me!! They could have anyone, but choose me. And before you get the idea that my life is perfect, and start jumping to conclusion about who this blond is, let me enlighten you a little bit.

I'm Gay.

There I said it. It wasn't like I choose to be but when I ONCE kissed Ron, yes only once. By accident too, at lest that's his story. I knew straight away that I did not fancy him, and not only him, but that I didn't like any boy at all, not in that way anyway. Yes, I guess I probable knew all along deep down that this was inevitable. But it wasn't until my seventh year of Hogwarts that I fell in love, and yes with a girl, and I shall think you a great simpleton if you can not guess who, for there is but one women in the world I love…too much Pride and Prejudice does this to you. Before this I had tried to stop any thoughts like these coming into by head by keeping myself busy, learning knew things, starting groups, reading, being an over caring and nosy friend, but in the end none of these things worked. In the end it all comes down to the one simple fact.

I'm in love with Pansy.

Yes, the hottest girl in school, and who seemed like the straightest one. Wish we could have just gotten together straight away. Hi I'm Hermione, I'm gay. Hi I'm Pansy, I'm gay too. Want to come to my room? Sure.

Well that doesn't matter, because what I wished would have happened, didn't happen.

As I was saying earlier, this story isn't about me, no matter how smart I am, this is a story about Pansy. She's the centre star of this story, as well as my life, but I'm getting a head of myself. While I prepare to tell you this story from the START this time, let me just leave you with this final note, nobody ever thought we'd be together.

**The Migrating Fish **

_Yes, it was that time of the year again, everybody was preparing, everyone with a fish to carry was standing in the stadium, holding their fish tank's, bowls, and anything else they could fit a fish in. Then a hush came over the room, It was deadly silent as a old man and five body guards come onto the stag, looking very important, and they were. The old man was wearing a suit that made him look cold and wise, he walked to the centre of the stag an said in a large, booming voice._

"_It is……time!" _


	2. Why do you care?

**A/N: **Hello, its Saving Me again, this is the first chapter rewritten. Thanks to all the people who reviewed, they really do make me write faster and better, so imagine me hugging you all. Thanks again to Blackadders Girl for 'The Migrating Fish' it is really random, I can't wait to see what happens. Anyway it's holidays now so I'll have more time to write, if anyone will tell me that they care.

**Disclaimer: **Who do you think I am? I have some really strange friends though.

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_If I could take you away  
Pretend I was queen_

I watched as Hermione made her way onto the train from the window, she looked beautiful as usual. Yeah, I know. She's a girl right?

She was a mudblood, Gryffindor, Hermione, but she is also a whole lot of other things as well and when I see her I feel like I can see her in a way no one else can. So yes, I am in love with her, I have been for about a year now, it's really not my fault, it's hers she's just so perfect. Yes I know, I sound like a corny love sick puppy, I wish I could blame it on drugs but I don't do them so I'll blame it on hormones.

I was watching her so intently that it was a while before I noticed that she was watching me, damn I should really pay more attention. I quickly turned and looked away; I knew that my face was bright red from being caught. I thought I had gotten away with it though. I was nervous but there was no way in hell she would have known it was her I was looking at, is there?

I started to relax when I heard someone walk up to the door and before I knew it there she was standing in the doorway, that's right Hermione was standing right there in front of me and all I could think to say was…

"What to you think you're doing here, Mudblood?"

I know, I was ashamed of myself, but I had to keep up this face for her. It hurts like hell, but it's easier this way, this way I can't get my heart broken if (no, when) she rejected me. It's not worth all the pain. That and she's straight, she and Ron have been in love since they were in their first year at Hogwarts.

She just stared at me for a minute, as if she was deciding what to tell me, she ended up telling the truth or part of it anyway.

"I'm hiding from Ron; there is nowhere else to go." Hermione said, looking desperate and tired of what I assume was a very long holiday of trying to getting away from Ron.

"Why are you hiding from him, don't you love each other or something?" I asked her. Ok I admit I was a bit jealous of Ron, and was very confused at why she was trying to get away from him, I was sure that she liked him as well.

"No. He likes me, I don't like him, he's just not my type exactly." She said with a faint blush.

My hopes rose slightly, but were gone just as soon, when I relised she just meant Ron, not all guys. Well that did explain all the fighting anyway; it was her way of pushing him away. I had to ask that question didn't I, but I couldn't help myself, before I new it the question was out of my mouth.

"Then what is your type?"

Could I have been anymore damn obvious? I sounded like I was flirting with her! That was just great, she just started looking at me as if she had her own question for me, namely why did I care? But she just shook her head for a minute before answering.

"Well, I guess I want someone smart, funny, caring, but not perfect. I want her to have her fair share of flaws." Wait; did she just say what I think she said?

"Her? You mean him, right?"

"Oh, did I say her? Anyway, what about you, do you have your own Mr. Darcy with Draco?" She asked, I noticed that she didn't answer my question, but I tried ignoring it, it wouldn't be good to get my hopes up. Wait? What? Did she just say Draco was my Mr. Darcy?

"Uh, No! Draco, my Mr. Darcy? Have you been living under a rock these past few years? It's obvious that Draco is in love with someone else! Me and HIM? Now that's just gross, if you knew what I know you would see that there is no way in hell that Draco would fancy me."

I was probable saying too much, but what the hell, I felt as if I could talk to her about anything when we were alone then. That and it's very hard to keep something like this a secret for so long.

"He isn't? Well, why not? How could he possible not like you?"

I swear I was hallucinating, I thought I saw her checking me out. Before I could think of a reason not to, I was telling her Draco's deepest, darkest secret, and trust me he has plenty of them.

"Well, he's kind of gay. And I'm fairly sure Harry and him are flirting without even consciously realizing it."

There, I had broken Draco's trust, but for some reason, it didn't seem to matter to me as much as just talking to Hermione just then did, we were actually talking without fighting for once and it felt good. Anyway Draco would never find out.

"No way!! That is exactly what I thought! Oh My Gosh!! You will never believe this!!" Hermione exclaimed excitedly, and it was starting to excite me as well. I was starting to think Draco had spiked me somehow, even though I hadn't seen him at all that day. Hermione was starting to sound like a cheerleader, or a gossip.

"What?"

I can't help it; curiosity may have killed the cat but I am no cat so I should be safe.

"Harry is gay to, he told me in the summer! It is so obvious that they want each other!" Hermione was smirking, and it looked like this wasn't her first time either. Who would have guesses it, Hermione knew how to smirk.

"This is exactly what I have been hoping! Now they can get together, we should get them together, they are clearly too stupid to do it themselves." I suggested, just as loudly. That way we could spend more time together and I wouldn't have to heard Draco droning on and on about how Harry is such a git.

"It'll be for their own good." She agreed. She could also pull sarcasm off, I was very impressed, and surprised.

"The only problem is that Ron is so against the whole gay thing, he is just so judging. That's just one reason why I don't like him; did you know that he one time practically told us that if we were gay he wouldn't be our friend?! Can you believe it? What a friend he is. Harry hasn't even been able to try and start telling him about how he's gay, he's too scared he'll hate him." Hermione said getting all fired up and red in the face. I wanted to hurt Ron so bad just then, how can he call himself a friend when he said something like that? I mean, what's so bad about being gay anyway? So we're different, sue me.

"That is so prejudice! I hate people like that, he such a git, why are you even friends with him?!"

"I don't know! I guess I don't want it to change; we've been friends since we were in our first year here but I can't stand being around him anymore. I just wish that I could even talk to him about these kinds of things, you know? He doesn't even know what it's like to actually have a proper conversation," she ended with a sigh. I bet he's to thick to even start a conversation about anything other than Quidditch, she deserves proper friends, people who actually know how to talk.

"Hey, do you read Holly Black books?" I asked just as a random thought, I wanted to get off the topic of gay people before I let slip.

"Yes! She is one of my favourite authors! Wait, you know her?" Her eyes lit up with excitement. I was surprised by this; she didn't seem like the Holly Black type, but I wasn't surprised at all by the 'wait you know her?' bit. I am a Slytherin after all, everyone automatically assumes we've never even heard of a television.

"Yeah, I know. Slytherin and all that, I know I seem to hate everything to do with muggles, but it may surprise you to know that my mother is obsessed with everything muggle, seeing as most of her family are muggles. I actually love a lot of muggle literature, as well as their music and their television shows. I've grown up watching Blackadder, The Vicar of Dibley, reading Holly Black books, faerie tales and the Bronte sisters novels." I told her, being completely honest, which is very rare, but this is Hermione we're talking about she could make the must secretive person alive spill and I'm just so tired of pretending around her, I'd told her so much already. Just so she could like me, love me even.

"So, what are you really like then?" Hermione asked. I must be on drugs, I thought she sounded like she was flirting with me.

"Well, like this really."

"Then why don't you act like this normally, I like this you a whole lot better." Ah, the ultimate question, I was wondering when she was going to ask me this, it's not that surprising really when you think about it.

"Don't you ever feel like you want to fool everybody, so that only ever a few people that you could trust with your whole life will ever know the real you? To fool the whole world? It's like that for me, and I've succeeded, I have fooled everybody. Anyway what about the whole 'all Slytherin's must be evil' thing that everyone thinks is law? They label us all based on a few individuals, but you know it's like that with everyone, Gryffindors too, they automatically have to be brave all the time." It's true and I find it very odd that no one, not even Hermione, has noticed this before now.

"Maybe it's because everyone is a bit, 'I want to fool everyone into thinking I'm something else' and I suppose you're right in some ways, but I think it's got a lot to do with fitting in more than anything else. Maybe everyone just gives into peer pressure too easily" She said, getting that look on her face that she gets when she is arguing her point of view, it's quite a turn on really.

"I don't believe in peer pressure, but I do believe in expectations. Everyone is expecting us to act a certain way so they treat us like that until we just… do."

"That's basically the same thing anyway. The point is nobody has to act the way everyone is excepting them to, it's their decision, their life. Everyone has a personality of their own, it's just their choice to hide it away," She argued right back, so convinced that she was right.

"It's not like you don't pretend too, I see you pretending all the time. Who is the real you Hermione, do you even know?" She looked stunned, like she hadn't expected anyone to notice the way she hid herself away, like she thought her confidence had fooled everybody. It hadn't fooled me; I could see that there was something else to her, something that she kept hidden from everybody, maybe even herself.

"You…noticed?" She looked like a scared little girl who had been caught stealing a cookie.

"Of cause I did, but I think I'm the only one. So why do you pretend Hermione, what to you have to hide?"

"I didn't think anyone would ever notice. I hide because, because I don't want anyone to ever know, they wouldn't like what they would see." She said in a small, weak voice, much unlike her normal one.

"I would like what I would see, no matter what it is." Ok, so this was getting very, very close, but I couldn't stand the thought of her thinking she had to hide herself away because others might not like what they saw. Screw them all, I want to see her being her complete self all the time.

"How do you know?" She asked, looking uncertain.

"I just do. Why would you care what others thought anyway?" This had been nagging me the whole time.

She still seemed a little unsure, but then she seemed to make up her mind. She was walking towards me slowly, looking a little nervous. iI was driving me crazy, I was getting really, really hot and breathing roughly. Her face was just inches from mine when she lent down to my ear and said in a husk, sexy whisper that sent shivers down my spine,

"Because I'm gay."

Then she kissed me.

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**The migrating Fish **

"_It is…time!"_

_The room erupted into a tremendous applause; this was it what they had all been waiting for, for so long. The man swiftly made his way off the stage surrounded by his body guards and the room descended into silence once more over the room. This was a ancient tradition and it had to be followed perfectly, the old man was their leader and they must obey him. _


	3. What do you say?

**A/N: **Hello! Ok, this is funny, to me anyways. Thanks to all my reviewers, but I really would like to get ten from different people before I write another chapter. Well, thanks again Blackaddersgirl, it really is out there. Bye, and REVIEW!!

**Disclaimer: **ummm, yes, I don't own HP, but I do own yellow underwear (boy that was random), do you want to see?

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_What would you say  
would you think I'm unreal?_

She pulled away from me, trembling with the fear of being rejected; she stared into my eyes like she was trying to look into the very depths of my soul for an answer.

"What do you say?" Hermione asked in a small whisper next to my ear.

I was terrified, frozen with shook and happiness, not knowing what to say. What was there to say? The girl of my dreams had just kissed me with such a passion that I had actually believed she loved me for a minute there. It had been magical, wonderful, and it had filed me with a warmth I'd never felt before. What was there to say?

Hermione was looking at me for any kind of reaction, a small detail that would give away my true feelings. Then I realised that this must be a set up, a hideous trick to fool with my emotions. To humiliate and embarrass me in front of everyone, I finally get the kiss of my dreams and it's a trick.

"Why are you doing this to me? Leave me alone! Do you think this is fun, playing with my emotions? Making me fall in love with you because it obviously can't hurt me, can't hurt the unfeeling Pansy?! Well I'm not falling for it. Gosh, I can't believe you had me fooled, fooled enough to show you the real me, but this is all a game to you isn't it? Just leave, I've been hurt enough Hermione, go laugh about it with your pathetic 'friends'!" I told her, well more like yelled at her, I watched as her face turn from nervous, to heartbroken in the space of one minute. She started to cry, she looked like she was actually hurt by this, like she was going to say something, but I cut in front of her before she could.

"Oh, you're a brilliant actor alright, but I'm not falling for it. I never want to speak to you again, get out of my sight right now!" I yelled at her, tears were coming to my eyes, tears that I didn't want her to see. I had to get her away before she could see how much she had hurt me, how broken my heart was.

She then ran out of the carriage, ran away from me, still crying silent tears. She left me all alone, like I always was, like I always would be. Apart from Draco, but he'll leave to eventually, when he realises that Harry is pinning away for him. So I cried. I couldn't help it, they wouldn't stop their course of running down my face, into my lap as I laid down on the floor, curled into a ball, gripping myself till I bled just to see if I was still alive. See if I could feel anything.

How could this hurt me so much? How could she have come into my life and destroyed all my barriers in just a few hours, when no one had ever been able to do that before? Why? Because she's Hermione and try as I might not to, I love her. Boy I was a mess, an unloved, bleeding mess laying on the floor on a train crying my eyes out.

I ended up crying myself to sleep there on the floor, and when I woke up the train had stopped and I had a slight headache from all the crying I had done, and from sleeping on the ground.

I was just composing myself when Draco opened the door and found me there.

"Oh, there you are Pansy! I've been looking for you everywhere. I heard that the Mudblood was found in an empty carriage with the Pothead crying her eyes out. I probable would to if I was a mudblood. Wait, Pansy, what's wrong? You look like you've been crying, is everything all right?" Draco asked me in concern, I had been hoping he wouldn't notice, but I suppose hadn't been successful with my attempt to clean myself up without the use of a mirror.

"No I'm fine, everything's great," I said with a big, fake smile pasted on my face. Draco may be my best friend and know almost everything about me, the real me, but even he didn't know about my love for Hermione, that I was gay.

I walked out of the carriage with Draco at me side, talking about 'the insufferable git' Harry Potter, but he looked at me every now and again, as if he didn't believe what I had said.

I was confused myself, at why Hermione had still been crying after she had left me. I thought she would have given up her act after that, why could she possible have been crying? And why did I still care after what she had just done to me?

Draco was still babbling on about Harry when we made our way into the Great Hall for dinner and the sorting of houses for the first years.

As the names were being called out, and the hat did his little song, I was looking for Hermione at the Gryffindor table, out of habit, while everyone else wouldn't notice. I found her face in the crowd almost immediately, it's hard to miss, she's just so beautiful. What surprised me was that her eyes were still red and puffy, she looked like she was fine when dinner started and everyone was talking, but I soon realised that it was pretend. She had her mask on again, happy on the outside, lost, hurt and heartbroken on the inside.

But why was she? Could what she had said to me possible have been true? Was she actually gay after all? Did she really like me then? Had I just yelled at her after she had told me her deepest secret?

I was staring at her and didn't even notice that Draco had stopped eating next to me and was looking at my face in interest and amazement, until he talked to me.

"Why are you staring at Granger? Do you love her?!" He whispered this in my ear, not as if he was judging me, but as if he cared and wanted to help me. Or sarcastically, it's hard to tell with him. So, I gave in. Telling him my biggest secret ever.

"Yes. I do." I said in an even softer voice, still watching Hermione as she pretended to laugh along with her friends. I told him all about the train ride to Hogwarts and he listened in silent fascination.

"Is that why she was crying on the train then?" He asked in curiosity.

"I don't know, maybe. I thought she had been teasing me, but now I'm not so sure anymore," I wish I could have said for sure that she had been, I wanted to believe she loved me so much. But how could she? And if she did, would she still want me now after everything I had said to her?

"I think she feels the same way about you Pansy," Draco said softly into my ear, after he had looked at her for a moment to. "You should tell her how you feel." Says the biggest hypocrite I know!

"Yeah, well why don't you tell Harry how you really feel about him then why don't you? And when you have done that come back and preach to me then, hypocrite." I said, slightly angry at how he could say these things as if I hadn't ever thought of them before.

"I don't like Harry!" Draco hissed angrily into my ear. Denial.

"When did I say you do?" I asked with a smirk and Draco went bright red, realizing the mistake he had made. He is such a love sick puppy, I don't know how everyone couldn't see this, and Harry wasn't that good at hiding it either, as I saw his eyes flicker over to Draco a few times throughout dinner.

"Alright, so I fancy him, so what? It's not like he likes me back, but Hermione does. Like you back that is, not me." He said with a shudder, finally giving in and admitting that he did in fact fancy Harry.

"Harry does fancy you, you blind bat! He's been checking you out all night!! So why don't you just leave all your pride behind and go tell him how you feel, you queer coward," I challenged him, his face seemed to light up when I told him that Harry had been checking him out, much like he had been doing.

"I can't! What if he doesn't like me, and rejects me?" Draco argued, "was he really checking me out?" He could help himself asking, self conscious prat.

"Yes he was, I'm sure. That's why I can't tell Hermione, what if she rejects me? After all the mean things I said to her I wouldn't be surprised if she never wanted to speak to me ever again, and what would I say to her anyway? Sorry about before, but now I realise that you weren't just playing with my feelings, but that you actually meant it?" I suggested sarcastically to Draco.

"Well, start by apologizing. Then tell her how much you love her, and that you want to shag her senseless, that ought to work," Draco suggested with a smirk, I went bright red before elbowing him in the side.

"You know that you're so wrong sometimes, don't you?" I said, glaring at him. He wasn't being any help at all, and I really needed it! What the hell am I going to do?!

"Look, she clearly likes you. It's easy to see that, she'll forgive you for this. Hell, she'd forgive you for murder!" Draco said, trying to reassure me, it did work, a little bit.

"Are you sure?" I asked him nervously, on the verge of tears and a nervous breakdown.

"I'm sure, as sure as I've been since I found out I was gay," Draco told me, I couldn't help but laugh at this. He really is a good friend to me.

"I'm so glad you don't hate me for all this," I said in a small voice; getting way too emotional for my liking. I should really stop being so soft all the time.

"About being gay? What kind of hypocrite would I be if I didn't? And about Hermione, please, Harry beats that about one million to one. Sorry to say, but my secrets are a little bit worse than yours are." He said, he was acting so gay right then, but in a very comforting, friendly way.

"You're so gay some times," I said with a laugh, maybe I was going to go into hysterics.

"Say's the lesbian talking about going over and talking to the girl she loves about her 'feelings'," he teased with a joking smirk.

All I could do was laugh, until it was finally time for everyone to go to bed; we were all making our way out of the Great Hall and into the hallway when my panicking went into overdrive. I was sweating, getting very hot, breathing heavily, and I'm fairly sure I was still laughing hysterically; this was not going to go well.

"Maybe I should talk to her later, like in a week or two? Wait until she's had time to cool down." I said to Draco, who started shaking his head at me.

"No, you have to do this now, before it's too late. Everything will be great Pansy, just you wait and see!" He said, giving me a push in her direction, before I could argue and run away like I had been planning to do.

Instead of doing what I wanted to do, I ran up to Hermione, grabbed her hand and before she could protest or pull away I dragged her into an empty class room. When we were inside with the door closed and locked I didn't let go of her hand I just watched her face to see what she was feeling. She had a look of confusion, sadness and hope on her face, she was too speechless to speak like she couldn't believe I was doing this, and for that matter neither did I.

I wanted to say something to her, something that would make her understand, something that would take away all her pain, something that would sound perfect and smart. But I couldn't think of anything, not a single word came to my lips for at least a good five minutes. We just stared into each others eyes, until I couldn't stand it anymore. Until I thought of the perfect thing to say,

"Kiss me again,"

* * *

**The Migrating Fish **

Everyone moved out of the huge hall after the cold man left to lead them on their journey outside. After they where outside in what seemed to resemble a line of some sorts, with the cold man at the front leading the way, they started to move forwarded. They walked for ages, miles on end only stopping for small periods of time for water, a drink, or a toilet break. But this was nothing, this was only the first day, it would get harder and rougher on the way. Their goal was far ahead and the road was dangerous, that was why they needed 'Him' as their leader. He had been doing this before they even had their first goldfish. He was their only hope to survive.


End file.
